I want it NOW

I should know better than to make bold statements about my intentions on my brand-spanking-new blog--in the first post mind you. I love that I even had the audacity to ask about your ability to stick to your commitments.

Two five months later and I'm just getting around to writing finishing my second (second!!) blogpost. 

And that daily meditation practice I wrote about...Wait. What daily meditation practice?

It's almost like having a baby made me completely forget everything I know to be true about myself. You see, there's this thing I do. I've done it for years. It goes something like this...

Life is moving along smoothly. I'm relaxed. Okay, so maybe it's getting a bit predictable. Well, not totally relaxed. And no, all my dreams have not yet come true. So I'm a little bit anxious. I want to make a change. I want to do something. Ideas start to percolate. The first one makes an aha! impression. The second pops with potential. The third is nothing short of inspired. And the fourth, it's so good it would be an act of stupidity not to do it.

I want to do them. All of them. Right now.

Here's a real life example, none of it an exaggeration: I'm in the third trimester of my pregnancy. So in this case, big change is coming and I know it. And I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm going to somehow "lose" myself in the act of becoming a mother. (It happens.) So I vow to myself (and maybe a few others) that I'm going to use my maternity leave to make sure this doesn't happen. Of course, Baby has priority. But I'm going to take on a few projects of my own just to make sure I'm still being true to Me. In fact, I'm going to launch a blog that focuses primarily on the topic of "motherhood and the loss of self-identity" and chronicle my personal attempt to incorporate motherhood into my pre-existing identity, while not letting it completely swallow me whole. Ideally, that will launch the first week we get back from the hospital. And just to make that one of my long-time dreams doesn't get lost, I'm going write a draft of that novel I've been working on (and off) for a while now. It's okay if it's a crappy first draft. Oh, and I think I'll learn Spanish. You know, while Baby nurses, I'll just listen to Spanish lessons on my iPhone. I've wanted to learn Spanish for a while now.

Yes, I seriously thought I would be able to achieve all three of these feats while on maternity leave. Now, any mother who reads this is probably laughing out loud about now. And the topic of whether productivity is even possible as a new mother is the topic of another post entirely. (And I write this as a woman who used to mentally roll her eyes when any new mom complained of how it was so impossible to get anything done with a baby.) And yet here I am, more than 12 months later as a new mom, and I'm only writing the second post for my blog. And no, I don't have a crappy first draft of a novel either. As for that whole learn a new language thing: no hablo espanol.

But that's not to say I'm giving up. I'm here, aren't I? Yes, I am attempting to modify the expectations I put on myself (some days better than others). But I'm working on it -- one priority at a time.

What about you -- do you ask too much of yourself?